just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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