His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
