She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
