I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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