Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
