8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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