Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
