does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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