Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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