I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
