I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
