I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
