We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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