The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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