Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
