Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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