All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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