Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
