idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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