Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
