The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
