3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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