They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
