the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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