i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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