maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
