Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
