Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
