Already got asked if we're dating
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We don't watch enough power rangers
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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