What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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