Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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