put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
