you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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