Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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