dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
