JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
