Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
