your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
