i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why do cheetos always look like penises
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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