Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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