May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
