I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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