The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
