She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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