I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
