Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
