I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
