the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
