He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
