Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
