dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
