As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
