Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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