Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
