Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
