What a fucking waste of an outfit
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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