Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
