Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
