Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
