i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
