it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
