In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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